Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
