but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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