i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy