I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
