what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.