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dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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