I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize