Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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(480): So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction. http://tfl.nu/bt6f

Replies (54) Good night (744) Bad night (4318)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

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(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa

Replies (51) Good night (17862) Bad night (1101)
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(309): View more from Illinois

so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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(309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg

Replies (8) Good night (5382) Bad night (813)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

(1-630): View more from Illinois

which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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(630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34

Replies (31) Good night (1117) Bad night (5377)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.

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(517): I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair. http://tfl.nu/elj5

Replies (17) Good night (1520) Bad night (4288)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?

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(250): Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night? http://tfl.nu/nxqa

Replies (7) Good night (3442) Bad night (888)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????

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(704): How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How???? http://tfl.nu/5jk2

Replies (20) Good night (2356) Bad night (869)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever

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(814): He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever http://tfl.nu/aoid

Replies (10) Good night (3514) Bad night (1054)
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(360): View more from Washington

just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.

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(360): just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs. http://tfl.nu/bvji

Replies (18) Good night (1860) Bad night (508)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?

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(416): I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS? http://tfl.nu/n2hz

Replies (11) Good night (2332) Bad night (502)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...

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(302): Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week... http://tfl.nu/cclg

Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (779)
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(240): View more from Maryland

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA

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(240): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA http://tfl.nu/oasy

Replies (2) Good night (380) Bad night (544)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home

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(412): i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home http://tfl.nu/8rrw

Replies (6) Good night (348) Bad night (313)
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(407): View more from Florida

You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.

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(407): You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding. http://tfl.nu/z49c

Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (320)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard

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(843): I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard http://tfl.nu/pmd0

Replies (2) Good night (629) Bad night (291)

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