apparently the secret to your success is patron
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
