That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
