this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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