I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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