dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't turn off my feet"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
