Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
