8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
