Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
