the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
