God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
