she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
