For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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