I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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