You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
