I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
