Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
