God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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