my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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