Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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