shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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