Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
