Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
