Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
COCAINE IS GR8
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize