Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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