i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
