You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
