its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
