physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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