mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
