Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
