All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
