Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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