The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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