i think my tv is drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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