You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
