I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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