He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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