That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
