you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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