she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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