O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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