the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
