I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
