Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
