His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ttyl tear gas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
