I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
