Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
