I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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