2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
someone owes me an orgasm
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
