I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
