my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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