come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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