the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
