Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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