you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What a dumb baby whore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
